2012 Academy Awards Skin-O-Meter Readings

It is now time for the 2012 Skin-O-Meter Ratings for the Academy Awards. We have devised the Skin-O-Meter in order to rate the dresses worn. It is a scale from 0 to 100, with 100 being the top rating. It is just our overall opinion but a high rating will involve copious cleavage filled out appropriately as well other skin, such as leg, display. Selected celebrities are rated. This is an historic appraisal because we have our first perfect score.

Jennifer Lopez 100: Jennifer Lopez is always on the leading edge of cleavage display. With her delightful “Wardrobe Malfunction,” she boosts the art into the stratosphere. We love J. Lo!

Angelina Jolie 82: Not much to see in the upper body area, but she gets points for flashing the gam.

Stacy Kiebler 80: She is attractive and the dress fits nicely.

Melissa McCarthy 50: Frumpy and Dumpy. As a big girl McCarthy needs to go big with cleavage. Draw the eye to your chest.

Alexandra Lamy 83: Good neckline plunge. We would like to see it filled out better.

Kelly Osbourne 72: She has a great figure and the dress shows it but, as with the Grammies, she needs to show off what she's got.

Bo Derek 82: The body still looks good and we get a hint of cleavage.

Melanie Griffith 78: Like Derek she still looks good, but we need to see some more of those famous tatas.

Natalie Portman 77: Very pretty, but as with many of these women, we see skin, but it falls short of what we need.

Sandra Bullock 77: Gets some points for bare back. Otherwise?

Penelope Cruz 78: More of the same.

Gwyneth Paltrow 78: She actually improves because for her less is more. Abandoning the plunging necklines and adopting this form fitting dress is an improvement. We love her topless in “Shakespeare in Love,” but somehow the plunges do not work for her.

Sheri Shepherd 90: Excellent cleavage and bra display. What the Red Carpet should be.

Meryl Streep 75: Goes for the plunge, but we spent the whole evening trying to see something.

Annie Mumlol 88: Her dress shows off her body well and decent chasm.

Sheila E 88: Great fit and encouraging display.

Kristen Wigg 75: Adequate attempt, but does not fill it out well.

Octavia Spencer 83: It is an attractive dress that exhibits her body so well. Like McCarthy, she is a big girl who needs to go big with cleavage. She owes it to larger women everywhere to be more of a sex symbol.

Rooney Mara 60: Takes over Paltrow's crown for non workable low neckline. We love her nude in film and think she would be better served with a skin tight, bra less look.

Michelle Williams 78: Run of the mill for the season.

Viola Davis 90: Nice color dress and we could not keep our eyes off her upper body.

Maya Rudolf 72: Magnificent shape but lacking revelation.

Jane Seymore 85: Although getting older, she shows some of the young ones how to do it.

Nancy O'Dell 88: Exhibits the Great Valley.

Mother Dolores Hart N/A: She is a nun and it would be a sin. We do appreciate that she wears the old school, imperious habit. We think nuns have lost something since they start to dress like peasant girls in the 1970s.

2011 Emmy Award Skin-O-Meter Readings

The Skin-O-Meter is cranked up and the results from the 2011 Emmy Awards are in. We have devised the Skin-O-Meter in order to rate the dresses worn. It is a scale from 0 to 100, with 100 being the top rating. It is just our overall opinion but a high rating will involve copious cleavage filled out appropriately as well other skin, such as leg, display. Selected luminaries are rated.

Katie Holmes 50: Her dress shows little and no hint as to the shape of her body.

Kate Winslet 93: Nice cleavage display and shows the curves of her hips nicely. Excellent jiggle when she receives her award.

Julianna Margulies 75: No cleavage, but decent curves.

Sofia Vergara 82: No cleavage, but she is pretty and her dress shows off her figure to good effect.

Gwyneth Paltrow 55: This time she gives us some midriff, but, try as she might, there is not much to work with here.

Heidi Klum 72: She gets some points for leg display. All the fluffy stuff is a distraction and her breasts are completely covered.

Jane Lynch 80: Finally a hint of cleavage.

Nina Pobrev 85: Decent cleavage, but that stiff upper part of the dress gets in the way of our enjoyment.

Jennifer Carpenter 94: Here is what we like. A good third of her bust is exposed as well as a nice long leg.

Claire Danes 75: Same old stuff this year.

Jane Krakowski 85: Passable cleavage without too many distractions.

Heather Morris 60: She gets some points for attempts to display. But like Paltrow, so?

Martha Plimptom 92: Nice cleavage and her dress puts the rest of her curves on display.

Christina Hendricks 95: Here we go! Busty girl gives us a nice show along with a sexy slit leg.

Amber Riley 88: She is a big girl and at least give us a hint of the girls.

Padma Lakshmi 78: Beautiful woman and the dress fits nicely. Cleavage?

Loretta Devine 89: Shows what she's got and we love it.

Emily Blunt 82: Nice plunge in neckline and does a little better than Paltrow.

Connie Britton 89: Cleavage and leg! Need we say more?

Archie Panjabi 84: She gets points for her attempts at cleavage. We have to hope she bends over, though.

Kerry Washington 82: Hint of cleavage, but not really. She scores for her form fitting dress.

Melissa McCarthy 80: Hint of cleavage, but a big girl needs to go bigger.

Jessica Pare 90: Yeah, baby!