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Monday, February 27, 2012

2012 Academy Awards Skin-O-Meter Readings

It is now time for the 2012 Skin-O-Meter Ratings for the Academy Awards. We have devised the Skin-O-Meter in order to rate the dresses worn. It is a scale from 0 to 100, with 100 being the top rating. It is just our overall opinion but a high rating will involve copious cleavage filled out appropriately as well other skin, such as leg, display. Selected celebrities are rated. This is an historic appraisal because we have our first perfect score.

Jennifer Lopez 100: Jennifer Lopez is always on the leading edge of cleavage display. With her delightful “Wardrobe Malfunction,” she boosts the art into the stratosphere. We love J. Lo!

Angelina Jolie 82: Not much to see in the upper body area, but she gets points for flashing the gam.

Stacy Kiebler 80: She is attractive and the dress fits nicely.

Melissa McCarthy 50: Frumpy and Dumpy. As a big girl McCarthy needs to go big with cleavage. Draw the eye to your chest.

Alexandra Lamy 83: Good neckline plunge. We would like to see it filled out better.

Kelly Osbourne 72: She has a great figure and the dress shows it but, as with the Grammies, she needs to show off what she's got.

Bo Derek 82: The body still looks good and we get a hint of cleavage.

Melanie Griffith 78: Like Derek she still looks good, but we need to see some more of those famous tatas.

Natalie Portman 77: Very pretty, but as with many of these women, we see skin, but it falls short of what we need.

Sandra Bullock 77: Gets some points for bare back. Otherwise?

Penelope Cruz 78: More of the same.

Gwyneth Paltrow 78: She actually improves because for her less is more. Abandoning the plunging necklines and adopting this form fitting dress is an improvement. We love her topless in “Shakespeare in Love,” but somehow the plunges do not work for her.

Sheri Shepherd 90: Excellent cleavage and bra display. What the Red Carpet should be.

Meryl Streep 75: Goes for the plunge, but we spent the whole evening trying to see something.

Annie Mumlol 88: Her dress shows off her body well and decent chasm.

Sheila E 88: Great fit and encouraging display.

Kristen Wigg 75: Adequate attempt, but does not fill it out well.

Octavia Spencer 83: It is an attractive dress that exhibits her body so well. Like McCarthy, she is a big girl who needs to go big with cleavage. She owes it to larger women everywhere to be more of a sex symbol.

Rooney Mara 60: Takes over Paltrow's crown for non workable low neckline. We love her nude in film and think she would be better served with a skin tight, bra less look.

Michelle Williams 78: Run of the mill for the season.

Viola Davis 90: Nice color dress and we could not keep our eyes off her upper body.

Maya Rudolf 72: Magnificent shape but lacking revelation.

Jane Seymore 85: Although getting older, she shows some of the young ones how to do it.

Nancy O'Dell 88: Exhibits the Great Valley.

Mother Dolores Hart N/A: She is a nun and it would be a sin. We do appreciate that she wears the old school, imperious habit. We think nuns have lost something since they start to dress like peasant girls in the 1970s.

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Corruption in Drug Testing

Ryan Braun of the Milwaukee Brewers has had his fifty game suspension for use of performance enhancing drugs overturned. Apparently, protocols for handling of samples were not followed causing MLB to void the suspension. The sample taker, Dino Laurenzi, Jr., kept Braun's specimen in his home refrigerator instead of turning it over to FedEx as required by Baseball's labor agreement. Last week, Eric Davis, co-host of The Drive on 95.7 The Game, proclaimed that Braun's test was dirty and that he got off on a technicality.

There are reasons for technicalities. Human beings are imperfect and subject to mistakes and corruption. In his column in the San Francisco Chronicle, Scott Ostler parodies the late defense attorney, Johnnie Cochran, “'If you don't ship the pee, he must go free.'”

This reference to the O.J. Simpson case was fitting. Setting aside the questions of O.J.'s guilt or innocence, it was at least demonstrated if not proved that Los Angeles Police detectives planted blood evidence around his property. A technician took a blood sample from Simpson and did not turn it in immediately. A detective took blood samples off a fence that DNA testing showed to be Simpson's. Additional testing by the defense showed that the sample contained a preservative that does not occur in the human body. A reasonable conclusion was that the detective had taken some of the blood drawn from O.J. and planted it on the fence.

The point is that Eric Davis can not say for certain that Ryan Bruan's test is dirty. The state of his test is unknown because procedures and protocols are not followed. Ryan Braun says he does not use PEDs and volunteers for a DNA test. He is saying that somehow the specimen he gives is traded for another contaminated one.

Now, what are the reasons that Mr. Laurenzi, or someone else, might substitute for Mr. Braun's specimen? Money and blackmail are the most obvious answers. It is possible that nefarious individuals are threatening innocent ballplayers with substitution of dirty tests for clean ones or offering, for a price, the substitution of clean samples for contaminated ones. Maybe the ballplayers are somehow setting up MLB by managing to substitute dirty tests for clean ones of supposedly innocent players resulting in the discrediting of the program. The players may then be able to resume using steroids without interference. Maybe MLB and certain players are in cahoots, because the steroid era was certainly beneficial for baseball. The preceding scenarios are speculation and examples and there is no implication that anyone acts improperly. It is also speculation to say that Ryan Braun's has a positive test. We just do not know.

Friday, February 17, 2012

The Hypocrit on the Gridiron

During the past football season much has been made of Tim Tebow and the practice of Tebowing, named for the player's habit of kneeling down after a touchdown or win presumably to honor Jesus. If Tim Tebow must thank God publicly for every touchdown and win, should he not also honor Him for interceptions and losses? He might pray for forgiveness, improvement or to give thanks for the lesson in humility. It is funny, but many Bible Thumpers appear as though they have never read the Bible. During the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus pretty much says thou shalt not Tebow (Matt 6:5-6). Tim Tebow certainly puts one in mind of the hypocrite in the temple.

Monday, February 13, 2012

2012 Grammy Award Skin-O-Meter Readings

The Skin-O-Meter is cranked up and the results from the 2012 Grammy Awards are in. The Skin-O-Meter rates dresses worn. It is a scale from 0 to 100, with 100 being the top rating. It is just our overall opinion but a high rating involves copious cleavage filled out appropriately as well other skin, such as leg, display. We rate selected luminaries.
We expect the Grammies to be at the forefront of female skin spectacle. This year is a disappointment. Let us hope this is not a continuing trend.

Nicki Minaj 50: Come on girl. We get the rebellion with the Nun in Red and the Bishop. But bishops like to see some skin.

Adel 50: Swept the competition and appears to have some curvature. SKIN? Next time try to show off more.

Katy Perry 50: Shows nice curves, but that is all.

Rihanna 90: Beautiful woman with plunging neckline that shows great cleavage from the side.

Taylor Swift 60: Form fitting dress with open neck, but we do not see much.

Kelly Rowland 78: Shows admirable figure well and a hint of cleavage through lace.

Malin Acherman 75: Good try. If she fills it out better the score is higher.

Fergie 75: Well, at least we get to see her undies.

Flo Rida's Date 95: Cleavage popping out all over the place. This is what we like to see.

Ledisi 88: Cleavage to commendable effect.

Taraji P. Henson 87: Delightful cleavage.

Paris Hilton 58: Well meaning try, but nothing to show.

Amber Rose 78: Yellow dress is hot with charming leg split and bare shoulder.

Kelly Osbourne 78: Lovely shape fitting dress.

Anne V 80: Points for leg exhibition and plunge.

Hillary Scott 78: Shows us some leg and top is somewhat low cut.