2012 Academy Awards Skin-O-Meter Readings

It is now time for the 2012 Skin-O-Meter Ratings for the Academy Awards. We have devised the Skin-O-Meter in order to rate the dresses worn. It is a scale from 0 to 100, with 100 being the top rating. It is just our overall opinion but a high rating will involve copious cleavage filled out appropriately as well other skin, such as leg, display. Selected celebrities are rated. This is an historic appraisal because we have our first perfect score.

Jennifer Lopez 100: Jennifer Lopez is always on the leading edge of cleavage display. With her delightful “Wardrobe Malfunction,” she boosts the art into the stratosphere. We love J. Lo!

Angelina Jolie 82: Not much to see in the upper body area, but she gets points for flashing the gam.

Stacy Kiebler 80: She is attractive and the dress fits nicely.

Melissa McCarthy 50: Frumpy and Dumpy. As a big girl McCarthy needs to go big with cleavage. Draw the eye to your chest.

Alexandra Lamy 83: Good neckline plunge. We would like to see it filled out better.

Kelly Osbourne 72: She has a great figure and the dress shows it but, as with the Grammies, she needs to show off what she's got.

Bo Derek 82: The body still looks good and we get a hint of cleavage.

Melanie Griffith 78: Like Derek she still looks good, but we need to see some more of those famous tatas.

Natalie Portman 77: Very pretty, but as with many of these women, we see skin, but it falls short of what we need.

Sandra Bullock 77: Gets some points for bare back. Otherwise?

Penelope Cruz 78: More of the same.

Gwyneth Paltrow 78: She actually improves because for her less is more. Abandoning the plunging necklines and adopting this form fitting dress is an improvement. We love her topless in “Shakespeare in Love,” but somehow the plunges do not work for her.

Sheri Shepherd 90: Excellent cleavage and bra display. What the Red Carpet should be.

Meryl Streep 75: Goes for the plunge, but we spent the whole evening trying to see something.

Annie Mumlol 88: Her dress shows off her body well and decent chasm.

Sheila E 88: Great fit and encouraging display.

Kristen Wigg 75: Adequate attempt, but does not fill it out well.

Octavia Spencer 83: It is an attractive dress that exhibits her body so well. Like McCarthy, she is a big girl who needs to go big with cleavage. She owes it to larger women everywhere to be more of a sex symbol.

Rooney Mara 60: Takes over Paltrow's crown for non workable low neckline. We love her nude in film and think she would be better served with a skin tight, bra less look.

Michelle Williams 78: Run of the mill for the season.

Viola Davis 90: Nice color dress and we could not keep our eyes off her upper body.

Maya Rudolf 72: Magnificent shape but lacking revelation.

Jane Seymore 85: Although getting older, she shows some of the young ones how to do it.

Nancy O'Dell 88: Exhibits the Great Valley.

Mother Dolores Hart N/A: She is a nun and it would be a sin. We do appreciate that she wears the old school, imperious habit. We think nuns have lost something since they start to dress like peasant girls in the 1970s.

2011 Grammy Skin-O-Meter Ratings

After the Emmy Red Carpet Disappointment (Carpe HUNC, August31, 2010) we were looking forward to the Grammy scene which usually involves more flash and trash. Although superior to the Emmys we still found it lacking. We have devised the Skin-O-Meter in order to rate the dresses worn. It is a scale from 0 to 100, with 100 being the top rating. It is just our overall opinion but a high rating will involve copious cleavage filled out appropriately as well other skin, such as leg, display. Selected luminaries are rated.

Rihanna 92: Although she does not display cleavage, her outfit shows something of everything she has, front and back.

Kim Kardashian 95: This is what we like to see. A great cleavage shot and does she fill it out!

Toni Braxton 94: This does not come up to her earlier almost see through Grammy efforts, but she still know how to peg the Skin-O-Meter.

Ciara 90: Such a beautiful woman and she is creatively showing skin, but loses a few points for being a little short on cleavage.

Jennifer Hudson 88: She is a hot woman wearing a cute dress and we like the try at cleavage with some lingerie showing. But, is that a push up bra? Did she lose most of her weight in her chest? We prefer a more natural look.

Jennifer Lopez 87: We usually do not like a super short dress on a woman her age, but she pulls it off. We have some cleavage, but, like Toni Braxton, does not measure up to Grammys past.

Katie Perry 78: She is not covered up, but not showing much either.

Juliane Hough 87: Great plunging neckline and fills it out reasonably well.

Eva LaRue 85: Nice short dress with a decent level of cleavage display.

Gram'ma Funk 97: Boy does she pop out of her top! This is what we love to see. Granted the dress is true to her name, funky, but who cares.

Jewel 72: Nice dress, no cleavage.

Dee Dee Bridegewater 86: Nice vision of bust in a hot red dress.

Heidi Klum 81: Nice try, but needs to fill it out more.

Gwenyth Paltrow 48: She get points for the plunge to the waist, but her minimal bust line has minimal effect. We think she would do better with a tight, wet T shirt. You are running with the big girls now,
Gwenyth.

Jenni JWoww Farley 84: She has a really nice figure and displays it well.

Esperanza Spalding 75: The Best New Artist is a beautiful woman, but the dress shows no cleavage and looks like a refugee from Project Runway.

Miley Cyrus N/A: Too young to rate.

So, there it is, our Skin-O-Meter readings for the 2011 Grammy Awards. The Skin-O-Meter will be down for refurbishing and refit, but we plan to have it up and operating for the 2011 Oscars.